OH MY GOSH???
WHEN DID YOU GIVE ME A PREMIUM AIFHUSAIDGHSUIZHGLDSZIXLHGVD

MoThErFuCk YeS!
YoUr NeW nAmE iS sOmE kInD oF mOtHeRfUcKiN ePiC nAmE mIrAcLe Of AlL mIrAcLeS, bRoThEr!
HoNk. ;o)

BiTcHiN'

♫ ~ ♪ ~ ♫

After leaving the public library one Saturday afternoon you make your way home and take the bridge that’s a short cut to your house. As you’re about to enter bridge you are stopped dead in your tracks when you see two large claw like hands that grab on to the railing guard of the bridge. Soon a behemoth creature lifts its self onto the bridge. It was as tall as a house, its wings black and large enough to block out the sky. Its skin was made of molten rock and partial fire but its face was ghastly. It had two giant horns sticking out of its head and teeth that looked like they were for crushing rather then smiling. Its bellow scares you nearly half to death. You try to move, you try and call for help but the fear freezes your voice and entire body. Then a warm hand touches your shoulder. You look to catch a glimpse of an old man with a long beard, a pointy hat, a robe and staff. “Step back” he says to you and you fall back with astonishment as to what’s going on. The old man stands in front of the behemoth. “YOU CANNOT PASS!” yells the old man as he lifts his hands into the air with one hand holding a staff “I AM THE SERVENT OF THE SECRET FIRE!” yells the old man as an aura of light begins to surround his body like a sphere. The behemoth summons a gargantuan blade in one hand made of black and blue flames. “I AM THE WEILDER OF THE FLAME OF ANOR!” yelled the old man as the behemoths blade came crashing down on the old man but his sphere of light shattered it and in the process knocked his pointy hat off “THE DARK FIRE WILL NOT AVIL YOU, GO BACK TO THE SHADOW!” yelled the old man but the behemoth now summoned a three tailed whip in one hand that crackled like thunder when it whipped it around. The behemoth attempted to step forward but the old man took his staff by two hands and lifted it higher into the air and yelled “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” he brought his staff down so hard that the ground around you shook and bridge began to give under the behemoth and it plummeted to its doom. The old man exhausted turns to you but suddenly the behemoths whip grabs hold of his ankle; tugs him back then the whip lets go and causes the old man to stagger back, dropping his staff and falls. You get up and run to him thinking he’s fallen but you see he’s holding onto a bent metal railing. You try and reach down for him to take your hand but he doesn’t take your hand but rather looks up at you and says “I must thank you on behalf of Mobis-New-Nest for having faved a piece in his gallery, now FLY YOU FOOL!” with his last words he lets go of the railing and falls into the dark abyss. You scream out to him but with a single blink of an eye the darkness takes him from you.

--
I'm fearless. Now hear this. I'm ear less. And I'm peer-less.
That means I'm eyeless. Which means I'm tearless. Which means my iris resides where my ears is. Which means I'm blinded. But I'mma find it I can feel it's nearness.